The journey

Words don't come as easy as they used to.
Fragmented and disoriented, disturbed. I grow, but i dont keep up with myself. Some days i stop and think: so much has happened, but where am i in all of this?

Am i the same? Am i something new and to myself umfamiliar?

I have no idea, cause i really havent had a chance to stop and look deep. But i must be different. I feel like i've grown and have to fit this new me into the frame of who i see myself as.
Im not as connected to my life as i used to be. I float, see glimpses of myself, reflections in someone elses face, as they look at me diffrently now.

Its a journey and i feel like i know where im going and i cant wait to get there.

one day at the time

There are things i dont know yet, questions left unsaid.
I roam the field of the obvious and grase the shadowland, but stay away from the dark waters edge.

This autumn has been strange to me, a stranger. My life is so changed, its confusing to see it as mine sometimes.
What i thought would be hard is in fact easy, and unfortunatly, what i thought would be easy turned out to be hard.

What i need to remember is that ill get through it. Day by day, this will be taken further and soon enough it will be done.

My love to all of you who help me, you are fantastic!

Sofas - can't live without them, can't decide which one to get...

With changes in life, one has to adjust on a material level as well. So I'm browsing around for a nice sofa. Preferably one that turns into a bed. But the ones I find are either ugly or expensive. I try to convince myself, that all that is needs is a few pillows. But honestly, they were ugly and would have needed to be covered in a non-penetrateble layer of pillows and blankets. And if a sofa is that ugly, I rather go with the pricier ones!
But life is cruel and I'm not rich...
I've decided to get a sofa in August, so you'll hear more about this drama.

On monday I go back to work after a 2½ week vacation. 2½ weeks spent doing nothing at all. Well, that's not entirely true. I visited my sister on her birthday in Gävle and I've been out shopping quite a bit.
Remarkably, when I checked my bank today, I'm not poor! Yay!
Who would have believed that the way I've been throwing money around me :) I bought 3 pair of shoes, 2 pair of jeans, paintings for the kitchen and plenty of other things. I should be broke, but by magic I'm not! So I'll pretend that I planed this all along and that I haven't been panicking for 2 days about what a terrible person I am for spending so much on shit.

Now I just have to make the switch in my head to be a responsible adult again...

The future

I need to figure things out. Seriously, I do.
I'm more confused than clear and I need some kind of fixed point, some kind of strategy.
Right now I live day by day and it's not good. It's a badly planned way of living and leads to confusion. I'm off three days from work and I plan to use these days to the max. Planning, organizing and making decisions. Cause I can't go on like this. It's fucked up.

An ocean of hours and minutes

I'm back in Stockholm after a lovely weekend with Sandra & Martina. It's always so nice to meet them, but now they have just moved to a great apartment in Gävle, big, light and with the cats running around and being a bit crazy. I'll be visiting them alot, I imagine.
I'm a bit tired, but in a good mood. I had a fantastic time, as always, and felt that I needed to see them.
You know how you sometimes feel a strong need to see specific people, it was like that for me with them.
The three of us went to mom and dad's grave today. It felt nice, just hadn't been there in a few years (I'm bad , I know) and when we got there it had some uncut grass and stuff to take care of. Felt so good to tend to the grave, a feeling I wasn't expecting.

Now I'm back in the chaos and back to every day life...
Or almost at least.
I'm not really about every day life now, just going from one day to the next. Drifting along in an ocean of hours and minutes. No need to be fixed or driven now, I'm just going along in life. In a flow that's supposed to bring some answers and some goals.

I don't know... I'm not too philosophical right now, so everything comes out like shit.

Saturday night - turn on the summer heat

A month has gone by in the new apartment.
It's bigger, better and more peaceful.

I did a lot of shopping this week. It's dangerous to have a day off from work two days after payday :)
I bought three dresses, one skirt, one pair of 3/4 lenth pants, two tops, a bag, two kitchen towels, a teapot, six drink-mixing spoons, earrings, a necklace, and more... In other words: I had o lot of fun!

Tonight I'm having a pre-party at home with some friends and then we'll go out in Södermalm for more partying and fun.
But before the fun can begin: I have laundry to do. :/

Valborg

Spending the evening with good music, knowing tomorrow will be very hectic and crazy. We move to our new apartment, everything packed and ready. Almost.

Yesterday was Valborg, a holiday when you light a huge fire and just stand there and stare. Masses of people gathered as if they never seen fire before. Then when you get bored of the fire, you go to a bar and continue the celebrations with drinks and good company!
Saying that, you might draw the conclusion that I'm a bit hung over today, but you'd be wrong :)
The only part of me suffering from last night are my feet, since a chose last night as the perfect night to use my new shoes... Yes, people loved them and commented on them, but my feet sure suffered... Poor little feet!
So tomorrow will be insane and surely stressful, so to wrap up the weekend, I'll go to dinner and a movie with Johanna on Sunday.