Nine Inch Nails & IKEA

These last few days have been a struggle.. things just keep fighting me all the way.
So I do what I always do, I find a good band and let the music swallow me whole. This time it was (to noones surprise) NIN that got the honor of being my anchor to sanity.
I spent too much time on YouTube and got myself a good laugh.

And this evening me and Peder won the great war against IKEA, which was takin place in my basement kingdom, and will forever be remembered as "the day mankind won over the LACK-shelves".
But as soon as we got them up, I realised I do not have all that much to put on them yet... So I'm gonna invest in some beautiful books, perhaps frame a photo (got one particular in mind) and just let the shelves grow more and more personal with time.

Stress

It's taking way to long (not really, i'm just very impatient) to get my new home ready. I want it all right now! It feels like every day i want something to happen. And every day i feel like nothing gets done... is it gonna take forever? Am i too hard on myself?
I know it's just been 6 days since i moved in, but i didn't get done what i should have gotten done. I spent money on things that couldn't wait, that i hadn't calculated... shit, filling new space from scratch isn't a quick and definately not a cheap thing to do!

Life is moving in such a slow pace, some days is feels like it's standing still... today is such a day. I can hear people outside, getting things done and living their little lives. I envy their simplicity, days are predictable and in a comfortable rutine.

I need to do so much (on so many levels) that i end up just feeling like i'm doing nothing. Even though i am doing plenty!

the beginning

Fall turns to winter and the first snow came a few days ago. Got time now to do the usual winter-reflection.
Not that i have that much new... just time to think without the usual cloudy mind.

not again...

A mad rush, a cluttered mind at work to prepare the move next weekend. Not the easiest thing in the world!

Everything is made difficult and im pretty fed up with it all.

The journey

Words don't come as easy as they used to.
Fragmented and disoriented, disturbed. I grow, but i dont keep up with myself. Some days i stop and think: so much has happened, but where am i in all of this?

Am i the same? Am i something new and to myself umfamiliar?

I have no idea, cause i really havent had a chance to stop and look deep. But i must be different. I feel like i've grown and have to fit this new me into the frame of who i see myself as.
Im not as connected to my life as i used to be. I float, see glimpses of myself, reflections in someone elses face, as they look at me diffrently now.

Its a journey and i feel like i know where im going and i cant wait to get there.

one day at the time

There are things i dont know yet, questions left unsaid.
I roam the field of the obvious and grase the shadowland, but stay away from the dark waters edge.

This autumn has been strange to me, a stranger. My life is so changed, its confusing to see it as mine sometimes.
What i thought would be hard is in fact easy, and unfortunatly, what i thought would be easy turned out to be hard.

What i need to remember is that ill get through it. Day by day, this will be taken further and soon enough it will be done.

My love to all of you who help me, you are fantastic!

Sofas - can't live without them, can't decide which one to get...

With changes in life, one has to adjust on a material level as well. So I'm browsing around for a nice sofa. Preferably one that turns into a bed. But the ones I find are either ugly or expensive. I try to convince myself, that all that is needs is a few pillows. But honestly, they were ugly and would have needed to be covered in a non-penetrateble layer of pillows and blankets. And if a sofa is that ugly, I rather go with the pricier ones!
But life is cruel and I'm not rich...
I've decided to get a sofa in August, so you'll hear more about this drama.

On monday I go back to work after a 2½ week vacation. 2½ weeks spent doing nothing at all. Well, that's not entirely true. I visited my sister on her birthday in Gävle and I've been out shopping quite a bit.
Remarkably, when I checked my bank today, I'm not poor! Yay!
Who would have believed that the way I've been throwing money around me :) I bought 3 pair of shoes, 2 pair of jeans, paintings for the kitchen and plenty of other things. I should be broke, but by magic I'm not! So I'll pretend that I planed this all along and that I haven't been panicking for 2 days about what a terrible person I am for spending so much on shit.

Now I just have to make the switch in my head to be a responsible adult again...