Dreams, Henry Rollins & writing...

Chocolate!

In our room at the Hotel Royal,

where Sandra and I stayed when in

Gothenburg to see Henry Rollins.

A flower from a bouqet my sister

got at her graduation party.



I love interesting books and
magazines. And I love photography.

My sister and I just came back from a over-night visit to Gothenburg on tuesday. The ride over there was anything but nice - the train we were to go with was still no where to be seen when we - more than two hours late, left Stockholm Central on a different train.

But we got there in time to get our stuff to the hotel, eat a nice dinner at a thai restaurant and then take a taxi to Lorensbergsteatern, where we were to see Henry Rollins do his Spoken Word.

I'm experiencing decision-making difficulty... I am lost as where to go next as far as my book goes. What if the damn thing doesn't sell? I'm kind of dependant on it selling... at least some copies.

It's my dream to be an auther and if that doesn't come through, then I don't know what to do. I have to patience to be stuck somewhere I don't want to be. I have no wish to settle with something less than what I feel I should have.

As long as I can survive on doing what I want to do, I'm a very happy person. If I can't, well then I'm just a bored fuck like everybody else. And with that said, more people should dare to follow their dreams.

Lollapalooza starts my tour of the US this summer!

I should be in bed, but I'm not. Not even close. I should dicipline myself, but why bother? I don't have time to be correct, I have time to be me.

Everything is quite... blah right now.
My mind is way off, it's in Chicago to be precise, and I am not. And that's confusing. I wanna wake up and eat breakfast at House of Pancakes, but is that happening? Nooo, and I wanna stroll in Grant Park, walk by the Harbour and chill...
But I'm kind of stuck.
Or as stuck as I let myself be, but I feel it would be stupid to take off and be superpoor somewhere, as I would have no income if I left right now.

But I'll be gone in August (perhaps a little longer), traveling in the US and perhaps Canada and Mexico while I'm in the neighbourhood, so to say. I need to escape this hellhole, or I'll go insane pretty soon. I'll start and finish in Chicago and whatever happens in between will be great. Whatever it is that happens. Just me and the camera. Just me and my life. New people, new places, new food and new none-routines. That's what I need. A little thing without routine and with absolutly no schedual except to catch the flight home X amount of weeks later...

Or not exactly hellhole... but I'm bored and I'm starting to feel a bit stuck. Like I've gotten a routine in life's everyday-tour that I don't like. I want more, I want better and I want fun.

I'm turning 28 this month and I feel like birthdays mean nothing anymore - so I decided to have a birthday party for the first time in years. Not that I have organized my place yet, but that's another 'eh, who cares?'. I'll serve alcohol and snacks, I doubt people will thinking about the lack of... plants? paintings? rugs? I don't know, but I doubt people would care. It's a party and it'll be superfun!!

The good, the better and the suspension...

Life goes on, a new year and new possibilities.
I am deep in books not yet written, full of ideas and have energy like never before (perhaps illness leaving the body) and I love it all.
Listening to Bruce Springsteen - Dancing In The Dark, didn't know I liked Bruce, but apperantly I do.

December was a fun month, the best month in a very long time (beats most of them, to be honest).

To wrap up 2009 once and for all, and I could go on forever, I must say it was the year when I put more value to my life and saw the many possibilities that lay right in front of me. I'm single, strong and inspired. Just the way I like it.

The near future holds plenty of adventure, hard work and fun work. Playtime is put aside as life is taking new turns, long hours working is combined with... long hours working ;)

And to comment on the photos of the suspension (you noticed the hooks, right?), it's the closest thing to spirituality I have ever come. It's so different and not at all like I thought... The pain of putting in hooks to your back is... nothing, really, to mention. Doesn't hurt. At least not in the upper back. The suspension itself is more mental than physical, as all the barriers I crossed were in my mind rather than in the body.
And to overcome mental barriers doesn't hurt!
But I wasn't prepared for the brutal massage Chai & Fredrik took the kind liberty to give me... That is PAIN, I tell you. You get air in under the skin as you hang (natural, as the hooks release the top layers of skin from the tissue below, making space for air to enter the body). This air needs to be taken out, a procedure the guys so nastily call a massage, allthough it's nothing like I've ever pictured having a massage by two men ;)
They press skin towards the holes from the hooks (by then taken out) and this is painfull and the air is... air. A bit tricky to get out.
So imagine two strong men trying to force air out from under your skin, with fresh hookmarks as the exit they're aming for.

But that doesn't stop me from planning my second suspension in a few months. The waiting is the hardest part, as someone once sang.

Photo of the Year

I simply love this photo, taken by Chai Maibert

Suicide suspension @ CALM Body Modification

Chai gave me 4 large hooks in the back

and Fredrik helped me get off the ground.

The most amazing experience ever...

December in pictures

I'm hooked

Tired today, yesterday was very exciting, with the suspension and everything. :) It was not what I had prepared myself mentally for; the hooks didn't hurt to put in, but the suspension itself... It was a mental hurdle I found very hard. To force your mind to do something it knows it doesn't have to do is much harder than I could ever imagine.
But Im so happy I did it!
Chai & Fredrik at CALM Bodymodification here in Stockholm did an amazing job, I'll post photos soon.
It was a great experience and I am sure I will do it again.

And today is Johannas birthday: Happy birthday sweetie!

So close to Christmas, and I'm off from work for 9 days, which is such a luxary! I really need some time off. :)

ending 2009

Last few weeks have been painful, with the extraction of a tooth and all...
But now i'm recovering and planning ahead. Can't believe it's just a few weeks left until christmas!

Think this year will end on a very positive note, I'll have fun and experience new things (photos may be published later on).

And i try to figure out what to do in 2010... It's a chance to try new things and see new places. A chance to be less stuck in an uncomfortable situation. It's about time i broke free of the chains, so to say.